Are you truly loving other people or are you loving yourself through them? It is quite common to see relationships filled with expectations and control issues, where each individual has an agenda (hidden or explicit) of how the other person should behave, think and feel at any given moment. If we are in a relationship and the other person does not follow our spoken or unspoken set of expectations and rules then we will most likely end up feeling disappointed and blaming them for our own unhappiness. Unconsciously we have made the other person responsible for “making” us happy, but the moment that we give up our sense of responsibility for our own happiness we also give away our personal power. The subconscious mind will feel this loss of personal power and we will try to compensate this by trying to control the other person. Think about it, if someone else responsible for your happiness and they represent the source of love you think you don’t have, then you must make sure they do everything “right” in order to make you feel “happy” and “loved”.
This type of dominance and control dynamics in relationships represents the greatest blockage to experiencing a higher giving and allowing love. Only when you are able to accept, honor, respect and love another person’s FREE WILL will you be able to truly love them unconditionally for who they are and who they choose to become at any given moment. On the other hand when you don’t want your partner to make their own unique choices on how they feel, how they think, how they choose to express themselves, what values they have and how they behave, you are not honoring their free will. Instead you are unconsciously loving yourself through them for only will you love them when they do, feel and think as you do.
One of the highest expressions of true love is to allow others to embody and express Who They Are. We are all in a journey of remembering Who We Are and as co-creators of reality we are constantly choosing to create ourselves. When we wish to control others we are diminishing and limiting their ONE/Source/God given right to create themselves by cultivating their own mind and developing autonomous thought.
Controlling or conditional “love” results when a person is operating mainly from their first 3 chakras or the Ego. Under this limited consciousness we attempt to love a self created version of another person based on what and how we believe they “should” be . Higher giving love is manifested when a person can access their higher chakras and is able to embody a state of unconditional self-love. When someone can love all aspects of their Self then it will become clear to them they don’t need to control others for this serves no higher purpose. A person who embodies self love doesn’t require to extract love, approval and appreciation outside of herself for she is already a source of these feelings. Instead being an embodiment of self love, self acceptance and a unique individuation of All That Is, this person becomes a living model for other people to do the same and rejoices when the people she loves so dearly are able to choose freely Who They Are and Who They Choose To Be.
We always have a choice when it comes to love. We can ask ourselves “Who and where is my Source of Love?” We can choose ourselves as the unlimited source of love or we can choose to feel as we lack love and look for a source that is outside of ourselves. Only through self love may we come to the realization that the other person and we are ONE. Even the love from God comes from within, for we are an individuated manifestation of God Herself. From this awareness it appears utterly insane to think we lack love, to think we need love from someone else or to think we need to others to become who we think they should be so we can love ourselves through them.
“Seeking love keeps you from the awareness that you already have it—that you are it.” -Byron Katie