Have you ever met a perfect human being? Have you ever met someone that has never made a mistake, said the wrong thing, made a mess at one point in his/her life, screwed a relationship, failed at something or struggled with finances? Most certainly you haven’t met someone who fits this concept of “perfect” because being human means that you will make mistakes and face many challenges throughout your life. One thing in common that all the successful people we admire have is that throughout their heroic journey they have endured great pain and suffering that resulted from challenges and mistakes they’ve made and because of those experiences they were able to learn, grow and become stronger individuals.
If you haven’t met anyone that is perfect, why are you trying so hard to be “perfect”? It’s exhausting, right? That is because striving for excellence motivates you yet striving for perfection is demoralizing and doomed for failure. All of us have a part of ourselves that is running an unconscious program to become perfect and this archetype is called the “Absolute Perfectionist”.
Here is the definition of the Shadow Self Archetype the Absolute Perfectionist:
“Always striving for the “perfect” solution in order to never find one. Self-improvement junkies, health club fanatics, food fadders and workshop addicts. People who strongly identify with the Absolute Perfectionist Persona never feel ready to commit to accomplish anything much “because it isn’t quite right for me.” and they go from one thing to another constantly. They feel forever dissatisfied with something if not “everything.”
Addiction: self-centered independence and perfection
Goal: seeks a better life
Issue: running from Self
Response: being true to the Inner Self
Virtue: autonomy and ambition
We all have to a certain degree made an identification with being a perfectionist, some people more than others. The big problem about being a perfectionist is that NEVER you get to feel that you or anything else is GOOD ENOUGH, because there is always something that can be fixed, healed or improved. Even though this might be true, because we are always learning, growing and expanding the perfectionist approach of “never good enough” creates an endless cycle of dissatisfaction. It’s very different to work on yourself from a state of self-love, acceptance and fulfillment than from a feeling of perpetual lack. A very common example of the perfectionist can be seen in aspiring authors who have a phenomenal idea about a book but they constantly struggle to write the book or a single chapter for that matter because they are always thinking it’s “not good enough” or “perfect”, so they spend an entire lifetime trying to write a single book and most of them never do it. Recently I worked with a client that after clearing the perfectionist persona she was able to find her own voice and style of writing, finish her book and is now getting it published.
As you can imagine the perfectionist persona is often projected in relationships. When we expect our partner to be “perfect” we are merely projecting our own unfulfilled need for perfection and therefor our own self-dissatisfaction. When we expect the other person to be “perfect” we will fall into the Expectation-Disappointment-Blame karmic loop over and over again. Only few other things can kill passion and intimacy in a relationship than one person constantly projecting negative thoughts towards the other of how they “should” be. These thoughts not even need to be expressed for the other person to feel them and these same thoughts are responsible for not being able to truly love the person in front of you because you are too attached to the imaginary perfect person they “should” be. Any thoughts like “she should lose weight”, “she should work more”, “she shouldn’t say this or that” or anything that begins with “should” or “shouldn’t” is more than likely a judgment coming from the perfectionist persona. If one desires to be truly a lover of reality and All That Is then one must lift the veil of the Absolute Perfectionist.
The perfectionist persona represents one of the greatest blockages to self-love because this archetype will not allow the person to integrate and accept their shadow self. On the contrary, the perfectionist persona will drive the person to repress and hide their “weaknesses”, mistakes and wrong doings. This only results in deep feelings of guilt, shame, not being good enough and unhappiness. Only when we are able to fully accept ALL aspects of ourselves can we truly embody a state of unconditional self-love. Loving yourself is the most important thing you could ever do. When you embody a state of absolute self-love this will have a positive impact on your self-esteem, your confidence, your relationships, your certainty, how much you enjoy life and even your finances.