One of the greatest things I have learned from studying with Tony Robbins is the concept “raise your standards” and even more importantly building the foundation that will lead me to achieve those standards. If you are reading this blog you are obviously someone interested in self-growth, self-development, unleashing your full potential and because of that you probably set high standards when it comes to your health, relationships, wealth and other areas of your life. Yet setting high standards or raising your standards is only the beginning, because if you don’t back up those standards with the necessary rituals or habits, in other words if you don’t follow through with action, those standards will never become a reality.
Let’s take the example of raising your standards to create the ultimate relationship. People fail to follow through and develop the necessary rituals to manifest the relationship they truly desire mainly because they feel overwhelmed by how massive this challenge or change can appear to be. Whether they are single, recently divorced or in a relationship that seems to have no hope, they think they must implement all the steps and changes all at once, of course this rarely works. The key is to break down all the steps into small and achievable milestones that you can implement day after day. The result of achieving these small steps day after day will be a growing momentum or a snowball effect imbued with the feeling of victory that will raise your confidence and success will follow.
Success is just like failure, both are based on standards and rituals. If you are in an epic and loving relationship you have very different standards and rituals from someone who is in an unfulfilled and dramatic relationship. It is very easy to spot the rituals that lead to relationship failure: focusing on the iPhone when having a conversation or while having dinner, blaming the other person, avoiding conflict, not paying attention or listening, being impulsive and saying things without thinking first, making the job or a hobby a higher priority, controlling the other person, using words that diminish, going to work without giving a kiss and a hug, not being able to say “I was wrong…I am sorry”, taking the other person for granted, not paying attention to details, comparing the relationship with other relationships that are worst off and getting a good feeling out of this, unwillingness to change and be flexible, being closed minded, constantly complaining, not being honest, repressing anger, never doing fun and exciting things, etc.
I consider my relationship to be outstanding and when I look at the rituals Jennifer and myself have it is easy to see why we thrive as life partners. Here are some of our rituals: we frequently hold hands while we walk, we read to each other books that inspire us, we discuss ideas and goals, we listen to each other and wait for the other one to finish what they were going to say (even when we are angry), I wait for her when she comes home from work and even though she has a key I open the door for her and give her a kiss, we ask each other “how was your day?”, we send random text messages saying “I love you” or telling how we appreciate something we’ve noticed, we give ourselves time to be alone, we use “I” statements when we talk about how we feel, our beliefs and experiences, we cuddle often, we go out on a date at least once a week, we don’t go to sleep if we are angry or there is an unresolved issue, we allow each other to feel any emotion, we exercise, we choose to eat healthy foods, we constantly express how grateful we are to have each other, we pay tribute to each other, we celebrate each others triumphs, we are honest, we support each other, when there is a challenge we do inquiry and see how we contributed or co-created (we don’t blame the other), we see challenges and conflicts as opportunities to learn and grow, we say “I love you” often, we make each other laugh, I constantly tell her how stunningly beautiful and sexy she is, we respect our “yes” and “no”, etc. We consciously treat our relationship like it is the beginning of the relationship and we make having an outstanding relationship a MUST instead of a “should”.
Neither success nor failure happen all of a sudden or overnight, rather it is the little things that lead up to them. I failed numerous times in previous relationships and even when I was single I failed at looking for a relationship in the wrong places and when I wasn’t emotionally fit to be in one. Those relationship experiences showed me what NOT to do in a relationship and so I worked on myself, learned from my mistakes, raised my relationship standards and created new rituals that ultimately allowed me to attract and co-create the ultimate relationship with an intelligent, beautiful, talented and resourceful woman.
If you desire to manifest the best f*cking relationship ever, then simply raise your standards and see if your rituals can sustain those standards. Albert Einstein was on the money when he said “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” Where you are right now and the results you get in terms of relationships, finances, health and your sense of happiness all come from the rituals you do everyday, those little things you do add up. One of the best ways to find out what you require to do in order to be successful in your relationships or any other area of your life is find someone who is already successful and do what they do, model them. You will get faster and greater results by not having to re-invent the wheel. When it comes to relationship there are certain recipes (actions, mindsets, beliefs, attitudes, etc.) that create outstanding relationships. However if you find yourself raising your standards but unable to follow through and get the results you desire then this signals there are some beliefs and energetic blockages that are creating an inner conflict and preventing you from manifesting the relationship you envision. When you clear the source of these subconscious beliefs and energetic blockages the inner conflict disappears and you are able to sustain your high standards with the proper attitudes, beliefs, actions and states of being.