48 Hours and Two Experiences With Ayahuasca

My First Meeting With Ayahuasca

Twelve years ago I traveled to Peru with the intent to experience Ayahuasca. For reasons that I will not discuss here I was unable to partake in an Ayahuasca ceremony. Yet the desire to ingest the vine of the soul stayed with me.

Finally in July 2015 I was able to participate in two consecutive Ayahuasca ceremonies to work on two different intents.

Intent #1: See My Beloved's Essence

Even though I'm an energy healer that specializes in relationship mastery I felt that Ayahuasca could help me heal unresolved anger I was projecting towards my beloved.

I intuitively knew this anger was a transgenerational entanglement (I witnessed it in my grandfather, my father and my brothers) but despite my many attempts to heal this using family constellations and various energy healing techniques, I felt like I had made great progress but that I hadn't fully processed it.

My intent was to heal whatever rift (conscious or unconscious) existed between Jenn and myself, so that we could connect at a deeper level and I could see her true essence. To sum up my first session with Ayahuasca I will say that She kicked my ass! As you read the whole story, including my 2nd Ayahuasca ceremony it will all make sense.

After drinking two shots of Ayahuasca I entered into a very uncomfortable physical, emotional and mental state. I felt like I desperately needed to throw up but couldn't. My entire body was buzzing with tingling energy but I felt extremely weak and walking became an almost impossible task.

When I was finally able to throw up, to my despair, things didn't get any easier. I found myself in a state of confusion, ambivalence, fear and emotional vulnerability. I started to feel things that I would normally resist from other people (including my beloved).

"Slowly I felt how Ayahuasca was ripping apart the personalities of control, perfectionism and rigidness I had identified with and energized throughout my life. These walls I had built came crumbling down so that I could process emotions I had resisted as a man."

I predominantly felt as if  I was engaged in a battle with Ayahuasca, a battle for control. My third eye was wide open but the visions were erratic and disorienting. I expressed to Ayahuasca numerous times that I did not wish to battle any longer and that all I wanted to do was surrender. Immediately I realized that understanding the experience wasn't a requirement, Ayahuasca was asking for my absolute surrender.

Once again I felt the need to name my intent. Instantly I connected emotionally to my beloved and felt:

1) The pressure she feels as a woman

2) How much I love her

3) A divine reverence towards her

A feeling of happiness emanated from every particle of my being. However, this state of bliss didn't last long. Ayahuasca began to show me some of the dark voices my shadow self uses to diminish myself and others.

Slowly I felt how Ayahuasca was ripping apart the personalities of control, perfectionism and rigidness I had identified with and energized throughout my life. The inner-walls I had built came crumbling down so that I could process the emotions I had resisted to experience as a man.

Integrating The First Ceremony

The next day all the people who had drunk Ayahuasca gathered to share their experiences and bring a closure to the ceremony.

I was the last one to share my experience. So I listened to all the participants, including my beloved and two of my brothers. Two things occurred during this process:

1) I was comparing my experience with Ayahuasca to what others had experienced

2) I experienced a profound healing with my two brothers that brought me to tears

As I witnessed those feelings of comparison I took a mental note and decided to meditate for an hour later that day and process those unresolved emotions. Deep inside I knew that this is something I had done in other areas of my life like comparing my journey to the journey of others (success, relationship, etc.)

Then as I was talking to Jenn, she told me that during here experience with Ayahuasca she was talking to the plant's spirit and requesting that the healing process be a smooth and gentle one. With those two insights I revised my intent for the second meeting with Ayahuasca that was going to happen later that night.

Intent #2: Embodying My Essence

For the second ceremony on the following night, a new intent showed up for me as a result of integrating my first meeting with Ayahuasca. This time I had a special request for the Vine of the Soul...may this journey be one infused with the frequencies of openness, fluidity and gentleness.

The core of my intent was to open to my purest essence and embody the most authentic version of myself. Once again I the bitter mixture and meditated for about an hour before deciding to up the ante and drink another shot.

As I watched the shaman pour me another serving of Ayahuasca, I couldn't help to say "that's enough" as I noticed he was serving me a rather large dose. Before gulping down the brew, I actually hesitated for a second to drink it all but then I decided that if I was going to do it I would go all in.

As I was having these visions I felt compelled to kiss the feet of the Divine Mother. Another interesting thing I witnessed myself doing was that I would touch the area between my eyebrows (the 3rd eye) with my index finger, doing this would send me deeper into the Infinite. Intuitively I understood that this was a way to go BEYOND the visions and into the realm of the un-manifested, and that this would prevent my Ego from attaching meaning to the visions.

Image by Jake Kobrin

Lying down on the floor I began to feel a rather intense current of energy enter through my crown and slowly make its way down through all my body. It felt like Ayahuasca was scanning my physical body.

While Ayahuasca made her way down my body, the energy of her spirit began to rise and the experience turned into a very kinesthetic one. It's quite challenging to accurately describe what happened next but I felt I was opening to new realms of consciousness and every time a door of perception opened my entire physical body began to move with the sensations of openness and unwinding, I was literally twisting and turning. These movements felt liberating and blissful.

Visions Galore

My journey with Ayahuasca lasted a good 10-12 hours, my third eye was still wide open when I went to sleep. The visions I had were like nothing I've ever experienced before. Here is a list of the things I saw/experienced with the assistance of Ayahuasca:

1) I felt the energy of the ocean and merged with it. I became a flowing wave.

2) I saw and felt universes and entire galaxies being created inside of me.

3) Being covered in the nectar of the Divine. I placed the intent to leave "traces" of this Divine nectar in all the things I have created (websites, videos, articles) so that others would get a taste of this nectar and be ignited to discover the Divine within them.

4) I purged dark clouds of etheric matter from my being.

5) Merging with every-thing and no-thing.

6) I saw humanity's and Earth's ascension

7) Experienced the Sacred Geometry of everything and in the center of my brain I saw a conch shell which I entered and felt like going down an infinite spiral.

As I was having these visions I felt compelled to kiss the feet of the Divine Mother. Another interesting thing I witnessed myself doing was that I would touch the area between my eyebrows (the 3rd eye) with my index finger, doing this would send me deeper into the Infinite. Intuitively I understood that this was a way to go BEYOND the visions and into the realm of the un-manifested, and that this would prevent my Ego from attaching meaning to the visions.

Time To Get Up

After 5 hours had passed, the shaman said that they would open the doors to terrace so that anyone who wanted to could walk outside and enjoy the nocturnal breeze and  the surrounding wilderness. Usually, by this time most people are sobering up from the trance, but for me the trip was still peaking.

Regardless, I felt a strong urge to get up and go outside even though this felt like quite a challenge because my consciousness was barely in this world, but as soon as I placed the intent to stand up I felt the energy of a wild cat taking over me and flooding me with immense power.

During the journey I also began to connect to the energy of flowers and felt how they can be portals to other dimensions. At one point I became a humming bird and went straight into a flower and out to another dimension.

Image by silencedmckay

As I walked the world looked like a hologram and the floor seemed like it could disappear at any moment. Slowly but surely I made it beyond the terrace and into the surrounding nature and I sat with my feet touching the ground. Roots began to grow out of my feet and I instantly connected to the energy of the trees. I felt how they are nourished by the minerals and magnetic energy of the Earth and how they grow towards the sky in order to receive further nourishment from the electrical currents that flow into our planet from outer space.

During the journey I also began to connect with the energy of flowers and felt how they can be portals to other dimensions. At one point I became a humming bird and went straight into a flower and was transported to another realm of consciousness.

The experience was pleasant but also overwhelming, therefore I asked Ayahuasca to be gentle with me. As I contemplated my state of being, I had a visceral and visual experience of how Ayahuasca had been used for thousands of years by shamans and people to enter transcendental states of the mind. A shamanic and warrior like energy began to materialize within me.

Once again I felt the energy of a wildcat, this time it felt more like a jaguar. Then I felt a serpent coming from the earth through my feet and rising through my spine until it exited through my third eye. Then I saw myself as a wizard and I noticed I had a huge sword of light which I pulled and in a vision I used it to pierce the Void and an entire universe opened before my eyes.

We Are Not Done Yet

After what seemed like an eternity I decided to go back to my mat, that was laid inside the ceremony room to lay down. As soon as I opened the door to enter the room I felt a very feminine like presence.

With my eyes closed I began to feel the Divine Feminine and a supreme shakti flowing through my body. Visions of the Divine Mother and her infinite incarnations and manifestations flooded my awareness. An abundance of gratitude overflowed through me as I witnessed the magnificence of the Divine Feminine in all things, including within myself.

*A plethora of other things and experiences occurred during this Ayahuasca journey, some of which I chose not to share because I feel that some of the messages and visions were meant only for my understanding and would only make sense to me. 

My Thoughts On Ayahuasca

Ayahuasca is a powerful healing and transformational agent. There are numerous studies showing the benefits of Ayahuasca's use on the brain, healing emotional wounds, healing traumatic events, healing depression and enhancing our overall wellbeing. There are even studies showing how Ayahuasca doesn't produce negative effects on long term users.

Will I do Ayahuasca again? Yes. Do I think Ayahuasca is a practical tool for physical, emotional, mental and spiritual healing? Yes.

That being said, I do think that because of the nature of the Ayahuasca ceremony, how long it takes and the intensity of it, it's not that practical to deal with the daily emotional triggers and challenges that we all constantly face in our everyday life.

In my own opinion the experience of Ayahuasca and its integration can be greatly enhanced by adding and utilizing other tools for self-growth, self-actualization and healing. Incorporating a daily yoga and meditation practice as well as using other alternative healing techniques can help you process, unwind and heal everyday triggers.

And one last thing on this subject, I feel it is imperative to realize that when using Ayahuasca or any outside healing catalyst that what is being felt and shown is a reflection of our inner consciousness.

We as human beings are built to experience these states of awareness and we don't need to use an outside agent to achieve this. However, due to the widespread state of disconnection humanity is facing in our current times, Ayahuasca and other plant spirits, can serve as our allies by taking us to a profound altered state of consciousness to reveal blind spots and aspects of ourselves that until now remained undiscovered in the realm of the unconscious mind. This new found awareness can lift the veil and offer clarity of perception towards a higher path.

Thinking of Doing Ayahuasca?

If you are thinking of doing Ayahuasca these are the 3 things I would recommend:

1) Do your research and find reputable shaman and Ayahuasca retreat center

2) Have a clear intent before taking Ayahuasca, preferably one that is focused on a positive outcome

3) Write down on a journal as much as you can remember from your journey. You will be in such an altered state of awareness that once you come back it can be quite challenging to assimilate what you previously experienced. Keeping a journal will help you gain more insight, embody the experience and apply the new revelations, ways of thinking, feelings and the healing you experienced.


About The Author

Gustavo Castaner is the founder of Ascended Relationships and has been a leading authority in the fields of relationship mastery, energy medicine, distance healing and DNA Activation for over 8 years. Gustavo specializes in helping people change their frequency at the quantum level so they can attract a higher vibrational grid of people, places, times, things and events. His work is done mainly through the awareness of the Higher Self and the use of Sacred Geometry Codes.


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